Friday, November 12, 2004

Good drugs and Karma

Last night I slept. No hallucinations, no bad dreams, just blissful sleep. Its amazing what a little penicillin can do for ya. My physician - Dr. P - is awfully cute too so I know just visiting my hottie Dr. combined with the drugs he prescribed helped me get on the mend. That being said, I still feel like crap but I'm at least able to breathe again. I have that Kathleen Turner voice thing happening too. DH finds it sexy, I'm just a tad bit annoyed.

No knitting, dearies. I screwed up the houndstooth bag and need to frog five rows. That's what I get for trying to knit whilst running a fever, with dizzingly low blood pressure and talking to the hottie Dr. But he was intrigued with my knitting. He lovingly fondled it. Called it a labor of love. Said my mom is so lucky to have such a talented daughter. I think I swooned a bit when he left the room (or maybe it was the blood pressure thing) and lost count of my rows - (frog courtesy of JenLa - ya gotta love him!). That's okay. Just being lavished with compliments will make the frogging worth it.

Check the Fall Foliage Photo contest links that are newly updated. I'm accepting pictures until next Tuesday and the voting will begin Thursday. Thanks for all of the beautiful entries.

So here's where the karma thing comes in. I've been reading a number of blogs, knit blogs in fact, that are spending a great deal of energy mulling over the election. It seems that a number of people have even abandoned their knitting temporarily. Sure we're entitled to our opinions and would never want to see that taken away. But my heart keeps telling me that we're breeding too much negative energy, bad karma. As a result, I've tried to remain neutral because frankly, life is too short to spend it being angry all of the time. But one blogger issued a challenge that hit home with me. She took a couple of shots at the secret pals and RAOK programs which for one, hit me personally since I've been organizing a couple of rounds of KRSP since this summer. Her quote:

"As you start yet another secret pal program or another non-random acts of basic civility ring, look around. Do you know that there is a woman on the ring who cannot afford to keep a roof over herself and her two children? It's true. Take a good look at yourself. Why don't you know that fact? I know it because she once contacted me and asked for help.

I'm not pointing fingers, I'm just as guilty as you. But at least I have the guts to take a long, hard look at myself and figure out how to become a better person, a more generous citizen.

Maybe you should, too."

At first I was hurt, but then her words ARE quite true. I heard from some of these women when setting up the KRSP programs. They were concerned about dollar limits and access to LYS. I told them to give from their heart and enjoy the gift of friendship that I'd hoped they'd receive from the program. I guess I'm too idealistic because I've heard a bunch of griping, whining and outright ungratefulness during the KRSP programs. One such person was disappointed that her pal gave her acrylic yarn, another didn't think that her pal gave a high enough dollar amount gift. It makes me sad in some ways that I started it. The grub and grab mentality is NOT why I initiated KRSP. I needed a way to meet other knitters and thought that this would be a fun way to do so. I guess we live in a materialistic world and can't function past that fact sometimes. Sure, I know not everyone has had a negative experience. A few have really bonded with their pals and made new long distance friends. But for many, my effort to try to create something positive and fun has only brought sadness and disappointment. I never wanted that and it weighs heavy on my heart. I apologize to them for the insensitivity of others. I won't be hosting anymore KRSPs and I'm not sure how much longer I'll stay in the RAOK ring. There has to be a more positive way for me impact others through my knitting and the world of blogging. I'm not sure where this journey will lead me but I look forward to the challenge and hope that others will join me.


Amanda said...

I too have been trying to stay neutral about all the election stuff...The way I look at it is, what is complaining going to get me--a stomach ache or headache.

I am sorry about how you feel regarding the KRSP and ROAK rings. I too understand that there are those who cannot afford to purchase the "pricey" yarns and it is horrible that others can't understand that those people should not be penalized for it. I didn't think of it as a "I'm gonna get me some great yarn for free thing", but more of a "I'll get to meet other knitters" thing. It's too bad that that is the type of people we have become...

jenifleur said...

Oh, Tanya, your impact isn't affected by the bad karma of others. You put out a positive energy because you do things with the best of intentions. Other people's bitchiness or greed doesn't change that. I had been avoiding kerstin's blog because of what I had read about it, but I went early this morning and although I didn't have the experience of basically being singled out like you did, I felt put off and offended by much of what she wrote. What the world needs LESS OF is attacks like hers. So far I haven't read anything political around blogland that I agree with whole-heartedly. And all this anger, hatred and negativity won't make anything better, it never does. The only way the world will become a better place is by every one of us working together. partisan politics and the attacks that spring from them will never lead us to healing, an end to violence or the cure to the common cold. I'm just as sad as I can be that you've taken hits when you tried to do something nice. And I don't think that anyone expected your KRSP ring to solve the world's problems. Holding you or Steph of RAOK or anyone else responsible for that is utterly ridiculous. I'm sending you good energy to heal your hurts!

La said...

Tanya: Truth be told, yours is one of my favorite blogs to read. You're always thoughtful, sincere, and often uplifting. Very often, especially lately, I have found that I have had to swallow much ire and afrontment at some of the venom spewing forth from some bloggers. I drafted venom-filled retorts and lectures, only to hit the "delete" button, because that's not what our blog is about. If you're going through the same thing, that amount of repression and sheer conflict of will power will degrade anyone's health.

Your heart seems to always be in the right place. But I've learned by now, no matter how selfless and well-intentioned your act are, someone out there is gonna bitch about it. Also, people need to be accountable for their own involvement. If they can't afford to be a secret pal, or (like in my case) don't have the time, then maybe they shouldn't join the ring/along/program. And others should stop being so friggin selfish. Makes me wanna knock certain people off their high horses and kick sand in their eyes, but I'm a bitch that way.

P.S. Laura asked me to tell you Hola!

Elisa said...

As a member of the KRSPII ring, I've truly appreciated all the hard work and thoughtfulness you've put into organizing and maintaining the program. I didn't join because I wanted free stuff or pricey yarn - I joined because I wanted to be able to do something nice for someone I didn't know - create a little good karma. It isn't about dollar amounts, it is, as always, about thoughtfulness.

I was really put off this morning by that post you mentioned. I've come to a place where I believe the truly important work now is not convincing someone else why they are wrong, but rigorously examining and then understanding our own beliefs and motivations, and then analyzing the facts of an issue and letting go of the rhetoric that each side seems to be spewing.

You should not feel at all responsible for the whining behavior of people involved in a program that you have organized with the best of intentions. There will always be people who will find something to complain about it.

I hope you have an excellent weekend, and feel better soon. :)

Kimberly said...

Glad you are feeling better. Hope you are ALL better soon.

Sorry that the ROAK and/or KRSP world has brought you disappointment and grief.

You did your part. You brought knitters together.

green-eyed grrl said...

I came to your blog after reading your comment on Kerstin's site. I didn't feel that she attacked you, but rather questioned our complacency (which seems to be her focus) when so many women (and men) are suffering. I think she just was suggesting that people try to notice each other more.

It also seemed to me that you, after considering her post, did not feel personally attacked. You shouldn't--what you did was kind and heartfelt. But I feel a little shallow sometimes when I consider all I have, compared to those who have lost everything. That's not to say that spreading a little happiness around is wasted. It's not.

Anyway, I, for one, appreciate Kerstin's ability to make me think and challenge me to really own my opinions, and get off my butt to do something besides knitting. I know some people would rather the controversy just go away, but when you fear for your life and your freedom it's not possible to pretend you don't.

Thanks for your thoughtful and interesting post.

Anonymous said...

Tanya, I've been lurking around your blog after my sis at pixiestikzknitz told me that your's is one of her favorites to read. I've just participated in SPIII, my first secret pals experience, & I'm happy to say that it has been a good one. I am sorry that some of your recent endeavers to meet new knitters & enrich the lives (& knitting) of others have been met with such sour notes.
I truly believe that with things like this it is the thought that counts. Any time my SP has sent anything to me, I've been touched to know that she was thinking about me. I think that should be the focus of all of these things. Please don't let the greed of others ruin your experiences. You have a great blog & seem like a very sweet, caring, & sincere person.

Heather said...

I count myself blessed by the KRSP program, I found you as a result. I think in everyday, in any situation it is how WE interpret things. Whether you see the glass half full/empty, whether giving or receiving is most important, whether your words are kind and uplifting or harsh and critical. They are personal choices, ones we choose everyday. I also read that blog, and decided that her message did not pertain to me. I do what I can to make a difference, and am confident in myself that her statements do not reflect negatively upon myself. Participating in Secret Pal programs and RAOK is entertainment, it in no way comments on my social opinions or my activism. There has been quite a bit of negativity on the Knitting blog circuit as of late, but there are a few, like you, who uplift and enlighten me. Please do not take this person's social mission statement onto yourself. You are a bright intelligent woman who made a difference to me...and many of the others who stop off to visit. Negativity is only effective when YOU take it in to your heart.

Love, Heather

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